I’ve been reading Emma’s blogs for a while, and I’ve never had the courage to send a post in myself.
But here goes…I’m changing all names here, for safety reasons, including my own…
‘Rebecca is a bubbly girl, who’s polite, and enthusiastic, She’s a real gem to be around, on track for a positive future, predicted grade A’s.
She’s a really sensitive character, and shows a great interest in her class-work and supporting everybody.
She’s being nominated for Mrs Grangers superstar of the month, for her determination and strength to succeed.My school report at the age 13 had me pinned out to be some amazing girl.
I’d never done anything to harm anybody else, never said a bad word, never sworn at that age, I’d never got into a fight, never said anything bad against anyone. I was truly a ‘good girl’ and everybody noticed.
“Rebecca’s behaviour is outrageous, she’s getting kicked out of every class she goes into, her attendance is reaching 30% and the way she speaks to everybody in the class including the teachers is like she has no respect for anybody else, including herself.
We’ve noticed her behaviour isn’t how it used to be, we’ve referred her to the welfare tea.
She’s been excluded 6 times, we aren’t sure what to do with her anymore, my school report at the age of 15 told a different story.
I lost respect for everybody and became verbally abusive to everybody.
I just didn’t care about how I made other people; I was hurting myself and needed someone to know.
What happened in two years?
At the age of 13 I started studying health and social care, a month before my 14th birthday we started learning about abuse, every lesson we spent learning about the types of abuse, the outcome’s (things like self-harm, depression, suicidal-behaviour).
Pulling my sleeve down one day I’d had enough of the lesson and I walked out.
I was four years old when I started being sexually abused by Jamie, my cousin who lived with us.
I guess the emotional abuse was always there, I can’t remember a time I wasn’t constantly told I’m stupid.
I remember the time I was 4 though.
Laying in bed, and he comes bursting in, starts touching me.
The next day, he started raping me, my cousin raped me.
I begged for him to stop, I begged for freedom, he did nothing, threatened to kill me, I believed him.
Then when I turned 10 ,my brother Sam started getting involved, Sam and Jamie would take it in terms to hurt me, my brother raped me too.
This abuse included physical beatings.
I remember my mum having to take me to hospital on my 10th birthday because Sam had smashed my face against the fish-tank, and blamed me for falling of the chair.
The nurse believed Sam’s story.
Now what happened when I was 13-15?
After walking out the class I finally told my teacher what had happened.
She said she’d guessed something all along, I showed her my arms, and she referred me to the welfare team and child protection. I was assigned a social worker, Hannah who came to see me everyday and spoke to me.
I knew by the look in her eyes she didn’t believe me, so on my 14th birthday, when I suffered a miscarriage, I attempted suicide.
It was then, when someone finally listened to me, because I’d had sex with someone besides Sam and Jamie, the police couldn’t confirm who was the baby’s father, so they still were not sure whether to believe me or not.
When I got home from hospital, I was pinned down by Sam putting my hand under a chair and sitting on it, and Jamie raping me.
My cousin raped me while my own brother held me down
I went back to social services the next day and begged them to move them out of my parent’s house, they did.
I left and haven’t looked back.
I’ve started college now, in my new city and my attendance and behaviour is back to how it was before, I’m now the smart predicted A grade student.
I finally found someone who believed me..
I haven’t seen Sam or Jamie in 3 years.
I’m now 18. I can’t help thinking about the child I lost, every year on that day, I look into the sky and whisper “Mummy loves you”
Last I heard Sam was arrested for robbery, at least the streets are safe from a monster like him.
Someone who stole my childhood away from me, including my own child.
This is an anonymous post, this blog provides you with the opportunity to finally speak out, to share your inner fears and start facing up to those demons that continue to haunt you. Share your experience to help others. All blog posts submitted via the blog anonymously email form will be added to the blog anonymously for you, just like this blog post has been.